Even under regular circumstances, an area of child rearing that can present a disproportionate amount of challenges is sleep- both naps and bedtime. Starting at an early age, kids attempt to push the boundaries surrounding sleep, and it can become a point of stress for all parties involved. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 2 year olds need 12-14 hours of sleep, while children ages 3-5 years need 10-13 hours of sleep per 24 hour period. It is very rare for a child to thrive on 10 hours of sleep. Most children need the middle range of 11 -13 hours to be their at their physical and emotional best. When the family routine deviates from normal and/or there is anxiety in the household the need for sleep is amplified, due to its ability to lower stress hormones and restore emotional equilibrium. In times of illness sleep also becomes more important because of its positive effect on heightened immune function. With this all in mind, we would like to share this thorough and helpful essay from Mama Christina to support your nap and bedtime experiences.
I hope that nap time is seamless, easy and restful. It is an important piece of the day’s rhythm that can aid in more than just sustained energy and helping children feel cozy and warm. It aids in cooperative behavior, integrating new skills and information, and providing much needed physiological support as well. That is just the positive pay off for immediate outcomes. It also teaches self-regulation, builds self-care strategies for rest and breathing, and helps with sequencing in its structure of preparing for nap, reading, singing by the adult, resting or sleep and nap time clean up.
Just in case nap time at home is not yet in rhythm or so far in chaos that everyone lands exhausted from the battle, some rationale behind nap time’s plan in the curriculum may freshen your resolve to make it work more smoothly. There are some practices that can help to ready children for nap and help them to stay there for the designed time. In addition, I’d like to offer some encouragement for your own growth and development that might be gained by establishing and holding nap time.
It may sound strange at first to think of nap time as curriculum, but it is just that. The teaching points (all unspoken to the children, of course) are self-regulation, learning to rest between tasks, integration that both NREM and REM dream time provides, as well as some esoteric possibilities such as meeting with our angels. I especially like this last possibility. Who wouldn’t want to have a chat with an angel, especially their very own assigned angel? I know this last point is not for everyone. (Though, our subconscious and unconscious work to sort out and integrate issues that are troubling us, so that can perhaps be seen as angelic in nature.) Dream time helps to mediate conflicting ideas and reveals how our lives make sense, even if we are hit by a whole slew of unexpected challenges such as the present moment provides. Well-being depends on integrating and is relevant for everyone, even when you’re only 3.
Here are some strategies to help nap time happen:
Become consistent, and be characterized by calm and deep breathing. When the children sleep in my classroom—and nearly all of the children sleep everyday—they usually fall asleep in 5-10 minutes for 2 and 3-year olds, usually within 20 minutes for 4-6 year olds. They typically sleep the entire time, which is an hour and a half. We put nap things out before lunch, as the activity of putting out nap things (mats, blankets, pillows) is too active to directly proceed nap.
Each day nap rhythm is the same in the following ways:
The children clear from lunch, wash up, and use the bathroom. Pottying before nap is especially important so that children are not getting up during nap and interrupting their sleep. They “read” or look at one book that is very calm and does not have stimulating content. We darken the room, tuck in, and sing or hum softly.
A few extra points for you to keep in mind for home:
There is no conversation during this time, as conversation is awakening and enlivening. Keep toys away from bed except for a single snuggly. If the snuggly is too rambunctious, have this little fellow sleep off to the side or ask your child to help their animal to calm down so that the two of them can take their nap together. Be firm. If the snuggle fellow keeps bouncing, put him to sleep elsewhere (with his pillow and blanket). Sometimes a hand on a child’s tummy or simply sitting beside them with your eyes closed can help to ground them until they fall asleep. Each child is different. For some, sitting beside them will keep them awake and engaged. You will know what is best.
About adult self-care:
A constant endeavor for parents is managing to meet their own needs while taking the best care of their children. If you haven’t already, plan for this nap time to be a restorative time for you as well as for your child. Even if you need to do earning work during this narrow timeframe when your child is safe and cared for in sleep, that feeling (that you are taking care of your family in this other way, the way that pays the bills) can take off stress, give you a different sort of activity from parenting, and free you up to be more present when your child wakes.
If your earning is taken care of without your help at this time, then nap time can open out to other kinds of restorative practices, such as your own well-earned nap. Perhaps after that catnap (or long nap), you have time to journal about these extraordinary days or meditate. Or, it may be a time when you will be eased if you can get the supper chopping and prepping done. It may be that napping time for your child must be a productive time for you, but even this sense of accomplishment after your 10-minute rest can feel refreshing. You can afford to spend 5 minutes reading what you love—not news feeds or must-reads, but 5 minutes of reading just because you love essays on flora of the Midwest or the history of color.
When LifeWays calls Life the curriculum in its pedagogy, it is us adults as well as our children who are learning how to do life, including how we rest and breathe and take advantage of our unconscious dream time to heal and integrate.
We would also like to share this helpful video from Helle Heckman.